I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
