it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
