Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
