I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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