i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
