they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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