You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
