I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am puke
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
