please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
