There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
