he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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