I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
