She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just threw up on my dentist
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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