he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
