Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
