Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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