I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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