i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
