There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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