I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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