tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
