they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
