need another drink. this is the easiest way
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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