I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
