return my video game
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
