drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
