youre lurking in front of me
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think I just sharted jello shots
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
