so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
