We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
