shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
