"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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