"it" just moved
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
