Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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