I used to practice getting hit by cars.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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