I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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