I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
