I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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