She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
