Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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