So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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