What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
