I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
