It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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