There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
