there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
