Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
