who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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