I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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