Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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