we have officially lost it.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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