I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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