Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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