I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
