I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Still dying that you shit outside
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
