I heard we made out
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
