Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
